… On Tuesday of this week, we had an event and were short-handed all around. Spread thin everywhere, including Talk Time. I did my best to help while most of the team was out of town.. I showed up when I could, the remaining moderators were spread thin. Today marked the day I would not be needed, should I not make it.
Often I will be online with the TT crew until pretty early in the AM. I love TT, way better than sleep. The Amazon guard is a tough show to follow. I was a few minutes ahead of Tennessee, the room moderator. She took over the floor and opened us up with her traditional rhythm of prayer and song. Tennessee brings so much of herself to the morning, It's amazing.
Hearing the highlights from the event from the many voices in the room - the camaraderie of the group, like a family member coming home from a trip, in this case, a BUNCH of the family was chining in. The joy in the room was palpable.
I was juggling a few things, The Matrix was very far from the sanctuary of the room. But... I had a hard stop - scheduled to be on the AM show with Chas and Dallas.
I had to break for a call. #1 checked me out of the room and I took my call. The audio from the room was still on and loud enough to hear. A voice comes forward, alumni of the Walk to Emmaus, I remembered her. She was in trouble. The despair in her voice was loud and clear. I recalled a new piece of the dead sea scroll I had read earlier in the week.
As I have solidified my lack of trust in parts of the 66 book bible and taken the journey with more resonant ancient writings - things are different. Somehow along the way, I started laying down narrative readings of new text. Recording narrative readings, my goal is to do all of em I quit briefing the texts, before reading a while ago. A cold read of new scripture can get interesting Magdalenes' account of her time with Christ. I grabbed it and read away. Amazing.
It reads like a college Junior with a crush on her teacher. They do not share a room, he is not her teacher. It is love unrequited, a true crush. I will let her tell the story.
In the beginning, was Wisdom and wisdom was in the heart of the Divine,
and Wisdom was the heart.
She was there when all things came into being,
and nothing that was to come into being could do so without her.
She is the wisdom of Life that is with the Light shining in the darkness.
With the Light of the Logos, Wisdom descended through the nine heavenly realms.
And she was with the True Light when the light came into the world.
The Light was in the world, but the world could not receive the Light.
Nor could the world hear Wisdom’s voice.
But to those who can hear and listen she will open their hearts so love can pour in.
I look back to the wedding feast and remember how it began there, with a stranger called Jesus who changed everything. A power was in him. I could sense it even though I was not near. And then there was the woman, his mother. I did not know her then in the way I would know her. But I can see certain things invisible to other eyes. And I saw a soft lightness surrounding her, like the finest spider webs with the morning dew still upon them. And I felt that Mother Wisdom was with this woman.
He, Jesus, walked over to speak with some servants. He asked them to fill the empty jars set aside for purification. They filled them with fresh water from the spring – we call it living water because it has emerged free flowing from our mother earth, and not from storage. A guest filled his cup and drank some. ‘It’s wine!’ he exclaimed. Others drank and what they tasted was indeed wine, the best wine. Did water really turn into wine? I do not know. What I did see was that somehow, Jesus had transformed the mood at that feast. Joy flowed between us all on the scented breeze and hearts began to open. ‘I think we have drunk too much of that wine,’ someone said laughing. But what we tasted and breathed in was the fullness of the spirit and it lovingly united us. And is that not the real reason for the bounties at a wedding feast?
I dwelt within the echoes of that wedding when commonplace things were transfigured. I thought often of Jesus who had gained a reputation as a wonderful healer. But I did not anticipate seeing him again. Men rarely meet women outside of family. And certainly, I could never have envisaged what happened when I went to collect water. I walked to the well when the sun was high. I was alone, for this was outside the usual time when women go for water. I saw Jesus sitting by the well and the brightness caused the air to waver in a haze around him. He spoke my name. And compassion was in his voice.
‘Mary,’ he said. ‘You are an outsider; you feel it in your heart.’ He did not know me. How was he seeing my soul’s secret unrest? Often, I felt as distanced as a Samaritan among Jews. Not that any Law devised by men convinced me. I followed the Law of nature’s living and growing things, yet it had not brought me peace.
‘What I bring is living water,’ he said then. ‘If you drink of it you will never thirst again.’
Living water comes clear and pure from underground streams to the deep well of Wisdom that purifies the soul. I understood this much. But how can thirst cease for ever?
‘The water I give will become a spring of eternal life,’ he responded as if I had asked him. My heart ached for this water even though I found his meaning elusive.
‘There are daemons that live in your senses.’ he said then. ‘But they are not like a husband you divorce or family you leave yet are never quite free from them. You can be free.’
I declared, ‘I have worked so hard to raise my vision, to always turn my ability to see the spirits into good works from an unbiased heart.’
He smiled then. ‘One more thing you need, Mary. Your sixth sense too will hold you back because another daemon in your sense of self is tied to the desire-filled world of the senses. Freedom will come through a divine gift. This gift is your spiritual I, and I have come to reveal the way.’
Suddenly he was no longer there. Who are you? What is the way? My questions echoed in empty space. Then a response came on a gust of wind. I am the way, the truth, and the life.
When I read this, earlier in the week, I was on the edge of tears the entire time. More than sixteen pages and I would have cracked. It pierced me with a new perspective on a relationship I thought I had defined.
Earlier today, when the poster girl for despair showed up on the phone … I felt a shared wound. I sent Tennessee a private message. She was engaged with the family that is TT and did not see my private message asking for a few minutes. I was concerned. The longer it took for her to get to me the more difficult it was going to be. Reading narrative and weeping is not a good mix.
In my Failure, somehow I think it was a win
-G
